


A Feeling That I Belonged

by Chash



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Abortion, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-29
Updated: 2017-04-29
Packaged: 2018-10-25 04:50:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10757046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chash/pseuds/Chash
Summary: Bellamy's not used to Clarke Griffin showing up at his door unannounced, but he has a car and she needs a ride to Planned Parenthood. He's not saying no to that.





	A Feeling That I Belonged

**Author's Note:**

> Per the tags, this fic deals with abortion! Namely Clarke getting one. One thing I always regret is that accidental baby plots (which I adore; this is a callout for myself and no one else) necessitate characters not getting abortions, even if I think they would, so I wanted to write a fic where Clarke did not keep the baby, and here we are.
> 
> Also, both this fic and I are pro-abortion. If abortion is something you are opposed to, please go no further, and don't tell me about your opposition. I'm not interested.

"I need you to not be a dick."

Ordinarily, Bellamy would respond to something like that with a dickish statement, because that's how he and Clarke _are_ , but she looks like she's trying not to cry, and that's nothing like how Clarke ever has been in his presence. 

So instead he says, "Okay. What do you need me to be instead?"

Her mouth tugs up in half a smile. "Is your sister here?"

"Nope. She said she was working on a project but I'm pretty sure she's hanging out with that guy Atom she thinks I don't know she's dating." He wets his lips. "She said she'd be back for dinner, you can hang out if you want to wait for her. I won't bother you. Unless you want to talk. Seriously, just tell me what you need and I'll--"

She meets his eyes, all fierce confidence. Pure Clarke. "I need you to take me to Planned Parenthood so I can get an abortion."

He doesn't let himself react. He and Clarke aren't friends, exactly; she and Octavia are in college together, and he sees her because Octavia lives here, so she hangs out sometimes, and Octavia drags him to parties, and Clarke is there, and sometimes he'll let Octavia drag him to parties _because_ Clarke is there, and--

Well, he kind of likes her, in spite of himself. She's stubborn and too serious and overly intense even when she's playing fucking drinking games, and he can relate to all of that. She's his favorite person to hang out with when everyone else is drunk and disorderly, because when he notices some kid is about to knock over a lamp, she helps him save the lamp and get the kid some water.

He wasn't sure if Clarke secretly liked him too, and, okay, maybe she still doesn't. Maybe he's just the only person she knows with a car. But she still trusts him enough to come to him, and that's enough to make his chest feel bright and warm, for all it's a bad situation.

"How far is it? Like I said, O's coming for dinner," he adds, when her face falls a little. "I assume she doesn't know about this and you don't want to tell her, so I just need to know if I have to come up with a story."

"Oh. It's about two hours. If you have work--"

"I don't," he lies. She gives him a dubious look, and he relents. "I've got a library shift, but my supervisor is cool. I'll tell her it's an emergency. No big deal. Did you already get the directions up on your phone?" 

Clarke is smiling a little. "Yeah, I did. Thanks, Bellamy."

"Yeah no problem," he says. "But I'm picking the music."

*

He waits until they're on the highway before he says, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Clarke worries her lip, really thinking it over. "You pretty much already know."

"Yeah? So, the stork came and--"

She laughs. "No, abortions are pre-stork."

"Clearly I'm not as much of an expert as you thought."

He can't really look at her, since he's driving, but he can see her out of the corner of his eye, still chewing on her bottom lip.

"We don't have to talk about it," he adds. "Just--I won't be a dick. If you want someone to listen."

"It's nothing special. You remember Finn?"

"The asshole."

"The asshole," she confirms. "He's the last guy I slept with, so I assume it's his. Probably one of the last times we slept together. The worst breakup gift ever." She wets her lips. "I didn't check, the first time I missed my period. I know I should have, but--I was busy with school, and sometimes stress makes me late, and I just--"

"Clarke," he says, gentle. "You don't have to justify yourself to me. Honestly, I'm really glad I don't have to deal with that. I tried to track O's periods for a while when she was in high school so I could make sure she had tampons and I sucked at it. I'd miss mine and never even notice."

"It's easier to keep track of your own," she says, but she sounds amused now. Less tense. "Anyway, I did a home pregnancy test and I was going to just go to my doctor, but--my mom works with him. She was his supervising physician when he was doing his residency. And I know there's HIPAA and all kinds of confidentiality laws, and Eric would never say anything to her, but I didn't want to put him in that position. I didn't want him to know something I'm never planning to tell her."

"Jesus, yeah. I wouldn't want to do that either. What about insurance? Are you--"

"I did my research. I'm just going to pay out of pocket. It's a little expensive, but--"

"You're rich, I don't feel bad for you," he says, and she laughs.

"I thought you weren't going to be a dick."

"Changed my mind."

"You're not going to tell me I should tell someone?"

"You told me," he says.

"I meant my mom. Or Finn."

"Do you want to tell your mom or Finn?"

"No. But it feels like I'm _not_ telling them. Like I'm hiding something."

"You are," he says, with a shrug. "That's not a bad thing, Clarke. If you were under eighteen, it would be a different story, but you're twenty, right?"

"Twenty-one."

"Yeah, that makes it your call. If you ask me, Finn doesn't deserve to know. And I'm pretty sure there's all kinds of stuff you don't tell your mom."

"She'd be cool with it," she says. "That's why I feel bad. It's not like--I'm not worried she'd pressure me to keep it or anything. She'd want to be here for me. That's all."

"Do you want me to tell you that you should tell her?" he asks. "I will. If you don't want to do this without her knowing, I'll try to talk you out of it."

"No, that's not it. I just need you to shoot down all my arguments so I don't feel bad."

"Cool. I'm a lot better at that." He drums his fingers on the steering wheel. "I can do that from both sides, if you want."

"Both sides?"

"Finn's and your mom's. I can be both."

"Okay, yeah. Hit me."

He wets his lips. "For all I know, I have gotten a girl pregnant. No one's ever told me if I have, but they might not. I'd rather they did," he can't help adding. "I try to be the kind of guy someone could trust with that."

"Obviously you are," Clarke says, and his heart stutters with pride. "But it might be different if you were the one who--"

"Yeah," he agrees. "Like I said, I hope they'd tell me, but I understand why they wouldn't. Especially if we weren't dating. Especially if I was cheating. Then I forfeit all right for it to be any of my fucking business. But--it's not my business anyway, if you know you don't want to have the kid. And I can see why telling me would be stressful. I might want you to keep the kid, if it was mine, and that gets complicated."

"Would you?" She sounds curious, and when he glances at her, she flushes. "Not--I didn't mean _this_ kid. But if you found out you'd gotten someone pregnant, would you want her to keep it?"

"No, not if she didn't want to. If I got someone pregnant and she wanted to keep the baby, I'd pay child support or do joint custody or--whatever, yeah. I'd be there for the kid, if she had it. But I wouldn't tell her to keep it if she wasn't interested." He shrugs. "I'd like to have kids someday, but I'm not really in a hurry. I'd rather have them after I get married and me and my spouse decide we want to reproduce. I'm not even sure I want to have biological kids of my own. Adopting or fostering might be a better fit."

"Okay," she says. "So--that's not telling Finn. What about not telling my mom?"

"If O got an abortion, there's no way she'd tell me," he says, and Clarke laughs.

"Probably not."

"And--I wish she would. I assume it's hard, and I'd like to be there for her. But that's not up to me. And she should take care of herself first. If I need to be involved in that, she'll tell me." He pauses, but he's pretty sure honesty is the best policy. "And, yeah. If I found out that happened and she didn't tell me, I'd probably be pissed. We'd get in a fight. But I'd be wrong."

"I feel like I should get that in writing for her," Clarke teases, and he smiles. "Just in case."

"Believe it or not, she already knows."

"Really?"

"Yeah, when she got her period for the first time I did the whole sex talk. And it involved, like--if you accidentally get pregnant you can come to me but if you aren't comfortable with that here's a list of phone numbers and resources."

Clarke bites her lip, smiling. "How long did you spend rehearsing that?"

"Way too long. I had a printed off a piece of paper with bullet points for her."

There's a pause, and then she says, "You're a really good brother."

"Is that why you came to me?" 

"No," she says, and he tries not to feel relieved. It's not like--well, Clarke is cute, and he likes her. It's not a big deal, nothing that he's ever planning to ever mention or act on, but he's just as glad she doesn't think of him as a _good brother_. "You have a car, and--I knew you'd help. Because you're--you're Bellamy."

There's a lump in his throat, and he has no response to that. "Did I convince you it's okay to not tell your mom?" he asks instead. 

"Yeah, you did."

"It's like sex," he says. "I assume O has it, and I don't expect her to tell me when she does unless she needs something from me. And it sucks to feel like--it's hard knowing she doesn't need me for stuff like this. But she doesn't. She's an adult. You are too."

"Yeah. Thank you," she adds, soft. "For doing all this for me."

"Sure," he says. "Any time."

Her laugh is soft too. "My go-to for any and all abortions."

"Everyone needs a brand, right? I don't mind if that's mine."

"Beats grumpy douchebag," she says, and he grins.

"I think I can do both. I've got _layers_ , Clarke."

"You've got something," she teases, but she's still smiling, and he can't help smiling too.

*

"She said I could bring my boyfriend with me."

Bellamy startles, looks up from his phone to see Clarke smiling faintly at him. He figured she might want privacy to do her paperwork or whatever, and definitely wouldn't want him hearing how much it was going to cost.

"Okay," he says, slow. "Do you want me to come in with you?"

She sits down next to him. "You don't have to."

"That's not what I asked." He nudges her foot with hers. "This is your thing, Clarke. It's about what you need me to do."

"I should be able to do it alone."

"You could," he says. "But I'll come with you if you want. My opinion of you is already pretty set. None of this is going to change it."

She raises her eyebrows. "Yeah? So what is it?"

"What's what?"

It's her turn to nudge him. "Your opinion of me."

"You're a pain in my ass," he says, and she grins. He can't actually keep looking at her when he adds, "Come on, you know you're--" There isn't really an easy single word for Clarke Griffin. She's just Clarke. "You're good," he finally says.

"Good," she repeats. At least she still sounds amused.

"I like you, okay?" he says. "So--just tell me what to do."

She sits down next to him, leaning in close. "I could use company. What are you playing?" 

He walks her through the basics of Hearthstone while they wait, and when the nurse calls her name, she hesitates, so he turns off the phone and offers his hand.

"You're going to lose your game," she says.

"I didn't have a win streak or anything. I really don't care."

She takes his hand and lets him pull her up. "But you would have finished if you had a win streak going."

"Obviously. I don't like you that much."

The visit is pretty painless, from what Bellamy can tell. The worst part seems to be when the doctor confirms what she already knew from her home test: she really _is_ pregnant. But he guesses it could have been a false positive, and then she wouldn't have to do this. When the doctor brings the results, she squeezes his hand hard enough he winces, but that's her only reaction

She does keep a hold on his hand through the procedure too, which is probably the most awkward part. Not that he can see anything, standing next to her; it's all blocked by her gown. But he still feels a little like he shouldn't be here, even though she wants him to be. Even though he wants to be. He's glad she's not trying to do this alone.

He's glad she came to him.

It doesn't even take ten minutes, and the doctor clears her not long after that. Bellamy turns around so she can get her clothes back on and follows her back, giving her privacy to deal with the front desk again before they head back to the car. It feels a little surreal, just _leaving_ but that's a familiar feeling. It was the same way every time his mom got surgery before she died. It feels like you shouldn't be able to just go back into the world after something like this. There should be fanfare. But really all that happened was a routine medical procedure. It went well, and now it's over.

"How's class going?" he asks, and she laughs.

"Are you trying to make small talk?"

"Sorry, I figured it would be weird to ask how your uterus is doing."

"Yeah, and those were definitely your only two options."

"I don't see you putting any effort into this conversation," he shoots back, and they grin at each other.

"Give me some book recommendations," she says, and of course he has those, and pop culture gets them most of the way home.

Which is when he has to ask, "You coming for dinner?"

"Why would I?" she asks, prickly, and he has to smile.

"Because my food is way better than the dining hall's. And I like you, like I said."

She worries her lip, mulling it over. "What would I tell your sister?"

"You stopped by looking for her and I told you to stay for dinner. She's not home yet, she texted. No big deal."

"She already thinks I have a crush on you," she says, as if she's tiptoeing over the words. Testing them out.

"So she won't even be suspicious." He lets himself glance at her for a second. "You should come."

"Okay," she says. "I let you spend the whole day with me. You can pay me back with dinner."

He laughs. "Exactly. It's the least I can do."

*

"I need to talk to you about something," says Clarke.

She sounds serious, so Bellamy raises his arm, smiles when she slides under it and tucks herself into his side. It can't be that bad a conversation, if she wants to cuddle. She's not breaking up with him or anything.

"What's up?"

"Since you're my boyfriend, you get a vote on if I should have an abortion."

His breath catches, and he finds himself looking down at her stomach in disbelief. She's not showing yet, of course she's not, but--there's a baby in her. His baby.

"What's your vote?" he asks, mouth dry.

"I honestly don't know. It's not like we were planning it. We're not married, and we haven't talked about it."

It doesn't really surprise him that she remembers exactly what he said about when he wanted kids, even if it's been six years. It took them another year to get together after the Planned Parenthood trip, since he didn't want to be a creep about it, but she'd admitted to already having a thing for him before that, even if that had been the first time she'd thought he might actually return her interest. 

Which meant he was more subtle than he thought. That was nice.

"We could get married," he says. "That's not really a problem."

She grins. "Wow. Romantic."

"Sorry, did you not know I was going to marry you? I thought it was pretty obvious."

"Pretty obvious, yeah." She leans against him. "We shouldn't get married just because I'm pregnant."

"We don't have to. But that wouldn't be the only reason. Do you want a kid now? That's the only question. If you do, we can keep it. If you don't, we'll have another one later. I'm planning to have a lot more sex with you, so--"

"I want to know what _you_ want," she says. "If this was just your call."

His jaw works as he thinks about it, trying to be rational, do the math, make sure this is something they can afford. Clarke moved in when Miller moved out, so they have a spare room. They'd been thinking about getting a roommate, but they don't _need_ one, and it felt a little awkward. And they've been taking about maybe moving a little farther out of the city, somewhere they could have a house. 

None of which would really matter, if they didn't want the kid. The whole thing would be moot.

"I think keep it. Tentatively."

"Tentatively?" 

"We should make sure we can really afford it. Think about what it would mean for work and make sure there aren't any health risks for you and--"

She laughs, leans up to kiss him. "You know, you're allowed to just be excited. If you want. I think I'm happy."

"Yeah, that wasn't tentative at all."

She buries her face against his shoulder. "I'm just starting to feel like I'm bad at planning pregnancies."

"Yeah, no question," he says. He tilts her chin up for another kiss. "We can wait until we plan it if you want. This should be something we're sure about. And if we're not sure, it's not like we're never going to have another opportunity. Like I said, we have a ton of sex. And adoption and foster kids and--"

"Or we could just have this baby. But we're planning the next one," she adds, stern. "I'm going to get pregnant on purpose once in my life."

"Deal," he says. "This is our surprise baby, and next one is on purpose. And if you change your mind in the next few weeks, we can always do another road-trip to Planned Parenthood."

"You know there's a Planned Parenthood like fifteen minutes away? And my PCP isn't my mom's protege anymore, so--we have tons of other options."

"Yeah, but--for old time's sake."

"I think we have better memories that we could relive," she says, but she's grinning.

"Maybe," he grants. "But I wouldn't change a thing."


End file.
